That's a view I can sympathise with. The only disappointment some of them share is that, having fallen in love early on, they have only slept with one man. And one of the best things has to be sex itself. And in many cases, it's got nothing to do with religion. I wouldn't want to join them in trying to spread a message of the benefits of abstinence — the decision about when to have sex is a personal choice. I had boyfriends, but always drew the line at penetrative sex. I kept my virginity until I was Our culture might be one of "everything now" but I've learned how to wait. I have seen more young women talking about the fact that they may be waiting for longer than they would have before.
I sometimes wonder whether I would stay a virgin if I was a teenager today. There were a variety of reasons for this: I now live with him and his two daughters. I had boyfriends, but always drew the line at penetrative sex. Take Lyman who writes: I thought it would be two fingers up to authority. Virginity is probably never going to be seen as cool, especially as it has been claimed as a "cause" by devoutly religious groups. The ones from my youth may not have been the most empowering in the feminist sense of the word, but they presented girls and women as active subjects, making decisions for themselves, rather than being on display for others and doing what they were told. One of the top questions they all ask her is: But it didn't happen, despite the fact that my first kiss, aged 15, had almost gone a lot further. Having lived with a man for nearly two years and I should make it clear that this isn't a complaint about the man in question! The only disappointment some of them share is that, having fallen in love early on, they have only slept with one man. I couldn't hear my biological clock ticking, but my libido was banging on the door to get out. I worried that it would hurt, worried about getting pregnant, and, growing up in the late 80s, just as Aids was hitting the headlines, I was also incredibly conscious of the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. A few years ago the Jonas Brothers, a Christian pop band from New Jersey, spread the word about purity rings you wear them as a virginity pledge. But with people like Lyman openly writing about their experiences, perhaps things will change so that this slow trend to accept virginity will become the norm. The older that young people get, the less willing they are to speak up about their virginities, much like my character Ellie who feels paralysed by the thought of being the only final year student yet to be deflowered. But at 32, I felt I was ready. When it came to going to bed with a man I was not going to fake an orgasm; if need be I would instruct him in what to do. To begin with I just wanted to have a bit of fun with whoever I fancied, but after a while I met someone with whom I clicked on more than just a sexual level and we've been together nearly three years. Perhaps sex and sexual images are so common - normalised, even - that it's not the be-all and end-all to say 'I've done it too', as it once was? Re-reading old copies of Jackie and Blue Jeans from the late 80s and comparing them with today's teen magazines, it's impossible not to see the difference. I started university when I was 21 and fell in love with a man who lived in the same halls as me, but was too scared to tell him. There are the petty squabbles over the remote control, the age-old battles over the division of labour, all of which simmer nicely to boiling point due to the different ways men and women communicate. It wasn't that I didn't have anxieties and misgivings about going it alone, and seizing every opportunity. It was that I did it anyway. But here in our less-religious Britain, that never caught on.
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